by Chris
by Chris
Good morning/afternoon, all!
I'm pleased to finally have something to share with you after all this
time! I was very excited yesterday when my muse visited after such a
long absence, and I wanted to share these with you as soon as I could --
the result being that the whole concert is entirely unbeta'd. If you
find any mistakes or have any suggestions for improvement, please write
me (off list, please!) so I can polish the songs before they are
archived.
Thanks ever so much, and enjoy the show!
Chris
PS The Come-Adore would like you to know that all moneys raised from
this concert are being donated to the 'Tallow, Grease and Lube Fund' for
His Britannic Majesty's Navy. Seems that there is quite a demand on the
Fund, lately! <W>
Some of the songs (in fact, the majority of them!) deal with subjects
from the new shows, so I guess they would qualify as needing spoilers. .
.but I'm not including space, so just beware!!! The songs that reveal
the most are # 02, 03, 06, 07, with some mentions in songs #01 and 04.
And, the author takes no responsibility for her readers being unable to
remember the original lyrics after the filks have been read! I am
still struggling to sing the right words to ABBA after the first
concert, myself!!! ;-DDD
(1) The curtain rises to Horatio and Archie standing by a railing, the stage
made up to look like the deck of the Renown. Bush is standing near, but
angled in such a way to show some emotional distance between them. His
shoulders are a little slumped, and he seems rather tense and uneasy.
As the song progresses, he turns towards them gradually and moves
closer.
To the tune of 'Hey Jude' by The Beatles
Hey Bush
Hey Bush don't feel so bad,
Take a sailor and make it better,
Remember to let him into your ass,
Then just that fast, you start feeling better.
Hey Bush don't be afraid,
Although Saw--yer's mad as a ha-a-atter
The minute you let him under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.
And anytime you feel the urge,
Don't sing a dirge,
Just go find yourself a willing sea-man.
Don't let fear of misery
Stop up your plea --
and lose you the chance of bliss that's at hand!
Da da da da da da da da da
Hey Bush just get him down,
On his knee-ees -- get satisfaction!
Remember to get it into his hole,
Then from your soul, you'll start feeling action!
So get it out and push it in
Hey Bush begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that its just you.
Hey Bush, you'll do,
The movement you need is in your wrist, sir!
Da da da da da da da da da
Hey Bush, don't look so sad,
Take a mad jaunt and make it better,
Remember to pull back your foreskin,
Then you'll begin to make it better,
better, better, better, better, better,
Oh!
Da da da da da da da
Da da da da
Hey Bush
Da da da da da da da,
Da da da
Hey Bush. . .
(2) Stage now looks like the Captain's cabin. Sawyer is sitting in a chair
in his straight jacket and chains, looking exhausted and not quite
there, and yet with a brightness in his eyes and a certain awareness.
The lighting features yellows, reds and oranges, with a hint of
psychedelic effects and chaos.
(to Queen's 'I'm Going Slightly Mad')
When treasonous officers start plotting
And the meaning is oh so clear. . .
All of the poisonous young reptiles
Begin to writhe in front of you - oh dear.
Are they trying to kill you Captain?
A mutinous, ambitious crew. . .
They'll throw you into the drink my dear
And they'll leave only the slightest small clue --
They say I'm slightly mad
They say I'm slightly mad
It finally happened - happened
It finally happened - ooh oh
It finally happened - I'm slightly mad
Oh dear!
Buckland is up on the poop deck
With all his hemming and hawing:
One wave short of a shipwreck
I can feel the Renown yawing!
Clive will dose me every hour --
I'm really out to sea
My ship is out of my power
I think I must beg clemency!
Oh dear, they say I'm slightly mad
They say I'm slightly mad
It finally happened, happened
It finally happened uh huh
It finally happened I'm slightly mad - oh dear!
Officers have all turned against me
I miss my most loyal crew --
I'm locked up in my cabin all day
But my dear how about you?
They say I'm slightly mad
They say I'm slightly mad
It finally happened
It finally happened oh yes
It finally happened
I'm slightly mad!
Just very slightly mad!
And there you have it!
(3) A background of drum beats and yells, then everything hushes and the
lights dim, low spots following a couple as they walk separately from
each wing to meet center stage. They are wearing bedraggled and worn
uniforms, and look exhausted, but somehow at peace.
Wellard and Friend (couldn't decide who -- you fill in your own blank!
;-D)
The Cap'n Sleeps Tonight
(to the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight")
On the Renown, the mighty Renown, the cap'n sleeps tonight.
On the Renown, the quiet Renown, the cap'n sleeps tonight.
wee-e-e-e we-ah mum-a-way
wee-e-e-e we-ah mum-a-way
Time for healing, some quiet living, the cap'n sleeps tonight
Time for healing, a peaceful evening, the cap'n sleeps tonight
wee-e-e-e we-ah mum-a-way
wee-e-e-e we-ah mum-a-way
[As they sing the last verse, the companion takes Wellard in his arms,
singing to him, and then together they turn, and wrapped in each other's
arms, leave the stage as their voices fade.]
Hush, my darling, don't fret my darling, the cap'n sleeps tonight
Hush, my darling, don't fear my darling, the cap'n sleeps tonight
wee-e-e-e we-ah mum-a-way
wee-e-e-e we-ah mum-a-way
(4) Stage set up like the Renown again, with Matthews on stage looking up at
Horatio on a raised platform, giving the illusion that Matthews is
looking up at him on the poop deck.
You've Got a Friend
(to the song of the same title)
When you're down in the hold, and you need a helping hand
And nothing, nay, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me, and soon I will be there
I'll back you even in your hardest fight
You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin' to aid you again
Through canons, gale, fire or hell
All you have to do is yell
And I'll be there
Yeah, yeah, yeah - you've got a friend.
If the Cap'n above you should turn mad and full of ire
And that old man should have your rest denied
Keep your head together and lift your chin up higher
For you know I'll always be there by your side
{Refrain}
Yes I will, you've got a friend
You've got a friend
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend
You've got a friend
(5) Enter a gorgeous blond in the famous lobster red coat, but strangely out
of uniform, with his long flowing locks hanging about his shoulders.
Sigh. Oh, yeah, lights, some kind of set. . .sorry, can only see and
hear him!
All My Loving
(with love to The Beatles for the inspiration!)
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Remember I'll miss you,
While you sail the ocean so blue,
All the while you're away,
I'll jerk off every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
I'll pretend that I'm kissing,
The lips I am missing,
And hope that my dreams will come true,
From our love I'll not stray:
All alone every day,
I will send all my loving to you.
All my loving, I will send to you,
On a hankie, which for you, I'll be-dew.
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Remember I'll miss you,
While you sail the ocean so blue,
And then while you're away,
I'll jerk off every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
All my loving, I will send to you,
On a hankie, darling, I'll be-dew,
All my loving, I will send to you.
(6) Horatio, alone, sitting cross-legged on stage with a battered guitar,
low lights on him, with blues and purples dominant.
To the tune of the same title by The Beatles
Yesterday
Yesterday, never thought my heart could stop this way --
Before battle swept Archie away
Oh I'm longing for yesterday.
Suddenly, I have lost the man dearest to me.
All his love's been cruelly wrest from me
Oh my Archie, I mourn for thee.
Why he had to go I don't know,
they wouldn't say.
My life has gone wrong, now I long for yesterday!
Yesterday, my life had a worth it lacks today
Only he could take this pain away
Oh I'm longing for yesterday.....
Why he had to go I don't know,
they wouldn't say.
My life has gone wrong, now I long for yesterday!
Yesterday, my life had a worth it lacks today
Only he could take this pain away
Oh I'm longing for yesterday.....
Mmmm, mmmm,mmmmm,mmmmmmmmm. . ..
(7) Start: lights are down, hear footsteps across the stage. As the song
begins, a light focuses on the singer standing center stage. As the
music rises and hits full tempo and volume, more lights come up, fully
flooding him as he struts triumphantly around the stage.
It's Archie, in a gold lame suit, tight and form fitting, with the
jacket open and a see-through mesh tank top on ;-D
To the tune of <GGG> You all know it!!!! (Answer at the end)
(note: the chorus is pretty much unchanged -- it was just too perfect!)
At first I was afraid I was petrified
Kept thinkin' Jack would tear the life right from my golden hide
But I spent some Spanish nights
Thinkin' how he did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And now I'm back from Kingston gaol
I just walked in to find Horatio looking sad and oh so pale
I should have told him of my plan
Should have explained my guilty plea
If I'd've known for just one second he'd believe the death of me!
A and E, go!
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
('cause) you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh no, not I. I did survive
Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive;
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give and I'll survive,
I did survive. Hey hey.
It took all my strength just to play out this final part
Kept tryin' hard to send messages to Horatio's heart,
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And now you see Archie can choose --
I'm not that chained up little Middie Jackie loved to bruise!
My fans are rallying to me
And they have set my spirit free
Now I'm gettin' all the action from the ones who're lovin' me!
Chorus.
This version of "I Will Survive" is dedicated to Beth and all the other
Archie fans on the Scuppers!
(8) Enter Styles, very nattily attired and with his entourage of. .
.<giggle>
listen to his song! He cleans up nicely, doesn't he?
<W>
To the tune of "A Little Help from My Friends" by the Beatles
A Little Help From My Hens <VBEEEG>
What should I do with my cock all erect --
My breeches like a sail all a-lee.
Hands would feel good and a mouth would be fine
Anything to relieve poor ole me!
I get by with a little help from my hens,
I'm wrung dry with a little help from my hens,
Satisfied with a little help from my hens.
What can I do when nobody will play?
Can you walk with a cock hard as bone?
How can I sleep 'til this ache goes away?
Must you handle it all on your own?
No I get by with a little help from my hens!
Do you need anybody,
I need somebody to fuck.
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to fuck.
Would you feel good if you got a good suck?
Yes I dream of mouths around me all the time
What do you see when you blow out the light?
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my hens,
Do you need anybody,
I just need somebody to fuck,
Could it be anybody,
I want somebody to fuck.
I get by with a little help from my hens,
Yes I get by with a little help from my hens,
With a little help from my hens.
(9) The Finale, with a full orchestra and all participants on stage, and our
host himself taking the lead!
Pellew, all resplendent in his full dress, with great dignity. . .until
you see the devilish twinkle in his eyes!!! All the others join him on
stage and are singing the chorus.
With humongeous apple-o-gees to all G&S fans <GGG>
SONG -- British Naval Come-Adore
("I am the very model of a modern Major General" from "The Pirates of
Penzance")
COME-ADORE:
I am the only model of the British Naval Come-Adore,
I look so cute in full dress, undress, and my battle uu-ne-form!
I've known all my lieutenants both in battle and in biblical --
From Bracegirdle to Hornblower in order chronological;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with Captains and with Midshipmen,
My appetite, it knows no bounds, I even seek Able Seamen!
Of Admirals I've had a few, (they fall asleep before we're through!)
I've even had an Earl, a Duke, and great Nelson, himself -- it's true!
ALL: He's even had an Earl, etc.
COME-ADORE:
I'm excellent at sucking, frottage, oral and anal intercourse;
And bestiality is fine, I like to have a well-hung horse:
In short, in all things sexual -- (buffs nails on chest) oh! carnally
I'm at the fore,
I am the only model of the British Navel Come-Adore!
ALL:
In short, in all things sexual -- ah! carnally he's at the fore,
He is the only model of the British Navel Come-Adore!
COME-ADORE:
I know great Lovers' mysteries, King Arthur's and the Lionheart's;
I study ancient manuscripts, detailing where to put one's parts.
I quote in oldest languages instructions on the strangest acts,
And illustrate them well so ev'rybody can enjoy the facts;
I can see a standing cock from over leagues and through a spying glass,
I know Napoleon from the bar'st glimpses of his famous ass!
Then I have known soldiers, of them one, I think Sharpe was his name,
He taught me things from India, which brought me fortune and great fame!
ALL: Sharpe taught him things from India which brought him fortune
and great fame, etc.
COME-ADORE:
When I can strip a horny man in seconds of his uniform,
And have a nickname -- I am called His Majesty's Own Unicorn:
In short, in all things sexual -- (buffs nails on chest) oh! carnally
I'm at the fore,
I am the only model of the British Navel Come-Adore!
ALL:
In short, in all things sexual -- ah! carnally he's at the fore,
He is the only model of the British Navel Come-Adore!
COME-ADORE:
In fact, when I have known love on every ship, in every port,
And Seamen over all the world have envied me of all my sport,
When my affairs are known through the dispatches and the King's own
post,
And when my enemies long for me after I have played them host . . .
When I have learnt my crew right from the First Mate to the cabinboys,
When I know 'em from stem to stern and have listened to their joyous
noise --
In short, when I've been such a slut that all the seas have seen my
hide. . .
You'll say a better Come-Adore has never given such a ride!
ALL: You'll say a better Come-Adore has never, etc.
COME-ADORE:
Though my sensual prowess, from the fucking to the French kissing
Has only come at length and there are positions that I'm missing;
But still, in all things sexual -- (buffs nails on chest) OH! carnally
I'm at the fore,
I am the only model of the British Navel Come-Adore!
ALL:
But still, in all things sexual -- AH! carnally he's at the fore,
He is the only model of the British Navel Come-Adore!
And thus the curtain closes on the Come-Adore's Concert!
Hope you have enjoyed it, and the boys promise to return once the muse
strikes again!!!!
THE END
